it really sucks lately. I mean, really, really sucks. I didn't get into college thanks to failing at maths, which means now, I have to do maths again, while being stuck at home. All my friends are all over the place. One in Lincolnshire, one in Wales, one in a tiny village a miles and miles away, and one lives right down the street, but even so, I never see her anymore, and rarely commune with her. I guess there's just not much for us to talk about anymore. I miss them a lot, and I'd love nothing more than to see them all again. I just now saw a picture of one of these friends and fell into a really depressed moment. In these months, I've been trying to occupy my mind, but the incredible boredom is suffocating, and I'm full of anxiety and worries. Besides, the last time I met my friend who now resides in Lincolnshire, at her leaving party, I met one of her friends who happened to like me and wanted to meet me again. She was shy, so my friend communed with me for her, and when she asked me through text if I would see her friend again, I simply didn't reply. Then, I went to school for the last time to pick up my final exam results, and thankfully, she wasn't angry with me, but asked that I spoke with her friend on facebook. Again, I lack that kind of confidence, so I didn't do that. Now I really want to message her, and say I'm sorry, and explain to her that I lack that kind of confidence. I've not heard off her at all, so I wonder if she hates me now. The thought depresses me, because she's truly important to me as a friend, and I don't want to lose her friendship. Maybe one day soon I'll gather enough confidence to send her a message and explain, but I'm too afraid of what kind of response she'll send. I don't know whether she would be angry or simply accept that I couldn't bring myself to contact her friend. As for my friend in the tiny village, his dad died recently. I told him my feelings were with him and that I was here to talk to, but I haven't heard off him either. I've tried to contact him, but maybe he just doesn't check his texts. I feel like meeting him to give my condolences and comfort him in person rather than just send texts. I don't know what to do, and I think this constant boredom and loneliness will eventually drive me insane, but posting this has helped to vent my feelings at least.