I wonder if you can tell… you probably can't. But I don't know, and it's killing me that I don't. I want you to do something, please. You're so beautiful.
When I called you yesterday, I wonder if you knew I was outside, listening to music, lying on some random platform where I was finally level with nature, I wonder if you knew that I was watching the streetlights and the stars turn on. I wonder if you knew that I was thinking of you when I was watching them blur and blink.
I offered to walk to your house not for the money that I need to pick up. I offered to walk so I can see you, I didn't think it could be more obvious. But I think you're oblivious.
How sad is it that even in my own dream you turned me down? We were on the bus… and you knew what I felt for you, so you touched my leg for a little too long, and took my hand without looking at me and touched my fingernails, feeling over the nail polish. I was, ecstatic. Then you sat down… and asked me if I've liked you for the whole week. In my mind (probably in my waking, conscious mind), I laughed. More like for two years. You sat, and slowly told me that you're still in love with Andrea. I turn, and see her walking onto the bus and sitting beside you.
Turned down in my own damn dream.
I want you to know so bad that I find any excuse to hear you speak, to look at you, to sit beside you. You know, ever since I was little I've had a problem with looking people in the eye, because I've had a problem with my left eye that makes it act strange if I look at something too long, and too close. I don't feel that at all when I'm looking straight into those beautiful beautiful green eyes. I could look at them all day. I can't even… you're so beautiful.
The sun comes out from behind the clouds and I think of you. I'm lying somewhere watching the sky and I think of you. I'm listening to music and I'm thinking of you. I'm thinking of another world and there you are, in it. I'm bloody out with my friends and I'm thinking, where are you? I'm listening to a song and thinking, would you like this? You know that I try to make a mental list of songs to give to you, ones I think you'll like? But I can never give them to you. You're so far away, in another world… where you're the center and you're surrounded by a crowd of people and I can't even get to you.
So you and I exist in this empty white space that I've filled with my own words and you only exist between them.
This one is for you.