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About funnyllamas3:

I am in theatre. I wish that the drama would stay onstage though, and not be mostly offstage. My rants are either about relationships or my past/why I am the way I am. I love this website because I am able to let everyone know everything about me without actually knowing me, so this way I have an out if there is nothing else.

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Frustration

I have a problem…I like someone…pretty sure they like me too…because yesterday they walked me to class, and today they sat by me in class…I mean he's sat by me before in class, but idk…it's like off and on…and it's probably because I'm not the best at giving straightforward signals as to how I'm feeling….I confuse the HELL out of people…maybe that's my problem. :/ I just don't know what to do. I'm conflicted. . I'll figure it out eventually. I just wanted to let it all out. I just need to figure out if I'm scared because I'm not right for myself so I can't be in a relationship, or if I'm afraid of the inevitable, or if I'm afraid of dating him… :/ I am WAY over thinking everything. It's not ok. I just need to not do this. And not have a bf. and not like guys. And get good grades. Bc the only reason my mom is staying with my stepdad is because I'm still in high school. This is why I want to move to New York after high school. I just can't deal with this right now. GAH!

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funnyllamas3 ranted 4 years, 9 months ago. Viewed 22 times.

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Messed up

I feel like it's my fault that I'm not ok inside. I've never been ok inside. I'm messed up. I listen to happy songs and cry. Is it wrong to hate my father for leaving me and my mom? Is it wrong that I don't ever want to meet him? I have so many problems. I'm very cautious. I don't like people to know what's really going on. I feel betrayed by everyone. I pick friends who treat me like crap. I pick guys who smoke pot, and hurt me. I procrastinate on my homework, and want to be an actress. I hate my stepdad, because he's worse than having no father figure in the house. The person I consider my best friend uses me, and I'm not ok with it, but at the same time she's my best friend and I help her continuously whether I want to or not. I tried to fit in, but gave up because it wasn't worth the trouble. I feel alone, except when there's a physical pain…a paper cut, an infected ear, wearing heels for too long. The pain makes me happy. It shouldn't be like this. I feel like this all happens because I'm messed up inside. I grew up calling so many different people dad. My grandfather verbally abused me as a child, and because of that I have an eating disorder. Everyone tells me how skinny I am, yet when I look in the mirror, I can see nothing but ugliness, and how fat I am…then the times I look in the mirror and actually feel confident and pretty I start crying…because I'm not ok. I just wish everything could be ok for once. Maybe once I leave this place and go to New York to become an actress I'll be ok.

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funnyllamas3 ranted 4 years, 11 months ago. Viewed 22 times.

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Judgementalists

I don't frown upon homosexuality, and because I'm so openly loving on all homos peopel think that I am sometimes. x) it's kinda funny. But I'm not. I'm straight. My thing is just that, no one should hide from their true selves, and I accept everyone, no color, race, religion, sexuality, or anything makes me choose my friends. None of that matters to me. I choose my friends based on personality. That's all. And if people judge me because they think I'm lesbian or bi or whatever, they're obviously not worth being friends with.

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 3 months ago. Viewed 40 times.

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Family

I hate it when you're visiting relatives and your mom and stepdad tell ppl things about you like they know you better than you know yourself. Or, even better, a relative asks you a question and you're about to answer it then your mom cuts you off answering it for you like you're incapable of answering a question for yourself. And on top of that she answers it wrong, and when you correct her she's right and you're wrong. >.< GAH! Ppl think things about me now that aren't even true. It freaking pisses me off. >:(

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 3 months ago. Viewed 23 times.

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Awkwardness

I see you everyday, and pass you in the hallway, wondering if you notice me too. Wondering if you still love me after everything we've been through. All the things we put each other through. We'd hurt each other so many times, yet we kept coming back for more. But it's officially over. No matter how much we love each other we can't be together without crashing and burning. It will never work. Maybe it could've, maybe we could've had a happy life together, and told our children the story of how our love grew as we did. But we can't. We've broken each other so badly that nothing can work between us. Not even being friends. Sometimes I don't even think we can be acquaintances because it's too awkward. 

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 3 months ago. Viewed 33 times.

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Help

Once upon a time there was a girl who thought she was the fattest girl in the world even though she was normal size…then one day she throws-up and feels better about herself. She starts to do it every day. Sadly her mom paid no attention to her and let her run freely, so the girl thought nothing was wrong when she lost all her body weight. Then one day the girl was throwing up at her house and faints….but never wakes up. When her mother found her, all she said was, "That'll teach her for being a bitch to her body!" Her mother didn't even show up to her own daughters funeral.

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 6 months ago. Viewed 40 times.

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Making My Way

I'm not sure where i'm going to go, but i'm sure that i'm not going back to where i was. Being lost. Being alone. Asking you for help but you broke your promise. Again. You said that you'd always be there for me, to care and to give advice. But you're not. You lied. Again. I have to leave, and i'm never coming back. Not even for you. So i guess it's time to say goodbye to everything i once knew, and start over. Make sure no one hurts me again. Some scars never leave, they remain forever and can get opened back up very easily. If i stay here there's more of a chance that there will be a scar and that it'll get opened again and again. But i'm going to forget. All of it. Your smile, all the good times we had together, all the bad, the time i broke up with you, the time you broke up with me, your eyes, why you loved me,  and why i loved you. All the tears shed and the self-inflicted pain is gone. All of it gone. Soon there will be nothing, not even a memory.

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 6 months ago. Viewed 25 times.

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Sadness

I opened my bag today to find this adorable purple dinosaur in it…only to remember that he gave it to me on our one month anniversary. That's when it hit me. That's when the tears fell. They fell hard. And fast. After a few seconds I gave up trying to catch them bc it was useless. Today would have been our two month anniversary. I thought it would be easy, not being with him. Only because of the few arguments we had had this week. I was so happy today. So content with being single and getting out of what was a messy relationship. I guess that's just what I get for being a good actress, my true emotions only show when I'm alone and the door is locked. 

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 6 months ago. Viewed 21 times.

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Craziness

Everything around me is controlled, everyone but me has a time machine and they relive the past and make fun of my stupidity, especially that one time I fell down the up escalator, there are voices inside my head that tell me different things, they all sound different. One of them sounds like John Lennon, another sounds like Obama, I'm not sure where all the other voices come from or who they belong too, but I'm sure it'll come to me eventually. Everything is a conspiracy. The chocolate bar in your hand, the iDevices we're all so joyously using, my teacher, science, my t-shirt. It's all nothing in the end. Then again, what are we? Can we ever really be sure? We all know the meaning of life is 42, but will it ever get better? No one can fully grasp the concept in the first place. 

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 6 months ago. Viewed 55 times.

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Oddball

I feel diagonally parked in a parallel universe. I'm such an oddball, and lately everyone has been noticing it. Just last week, I got cut out of tech week because of it, and sadly enough I'm becoming tech manager next year. I'll be a sophomore too. _ Sometimes I wonder if I'm really the odd one out, or if everyone else is…maybe so…

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funnyllamas3 ranted 5 years, 6 months ago. Viewed 34 times.

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