I have no clue what the difference between rants and rambles are but here we go. I hope I'm aloud to go on about what I'm about to. I'm a self harmer. I mostly cut, sometimes I bruise myself. It's not good I know. I hate it. It makes me hate myself as well. Friends say I can talk to them, but they don't even feel like friends sometimes. I hate feeling alone. I don't know who to talk to. I feel so emotionally abused, by so many people. I And right now I feel like an attention seeker for posting this on a public place. I'm so sorry. But I'll feel better if someone somewhere sorta knows what I'm doing, or where I'm coming from, or maybe they're not the only ones. Sometimes, I feel so suicidal. I can't handle things. So I slash some damned body part, put a hoody and sweat pants on and go to a friends house. It's hard to keep resisting. Once when I tried to tell a friend I wanted to kill myself she called me selfish and left me crying in a park alone. That was one of the worst days of my life. And I'm not sure if I really forgive her, even though it was a few years ago and I should just forget about it. And sometimes I wish I had that perfect guy, to hold me and help me. But that's putting a lot of pressure on the guy. And that's really not fair so until I sort myself out I don't think I'll get a boyfriend or anything.
A while ago I stumbled upon a site like a suicide hotline, but on the internet, sorta like internet chatting. I'm too scared to do even that so that's how I ended up here. And I'm mostly here to try and escape. My friends are in fights and I sort of lied to one of them because he talked about my friend behind her back, so I told her but I told him I didn't and I don't even know what to do, and there's blood everywhere, I'm not sure this rant is helping but I feel so helpless and alone.
Another thing, why try so hard to keep people alive. They want to die. Something has driven them to hate life so much they don't want it anymore. Ah well maybe that's not fair. I'm not even sure. But I wish someone would help me die. Who knows though, maybe this is heaven, and the afterlife is hell. I'm so sorry that barely any of this made sense. ugh.