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About LILME87:

My rants are spur of the moment type things. Hope u enjoy xxxxx

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Sometimes I feel so alone I think i might explode. I am 28, and have struggled hard for the last ...

Sometimes I feel so alone I think i might explode. I am 28, and have struggled hard for the last 10 years trying to maintain my own life, and independence. I seem to f*** up, with jobs and men, and end up moving back with my parents. Both of whome are getting older. I have recently turned a small corner in my life style choices as I am no longer drinking too much on a weekend or getting high or having casual sex, as I don't feel like I enjoy those things anymore. This is literally the only thing I can feel proud of at the moment. I hate my job and spend all day getting oggled at by pathetic small minded small dicked old men who expect me to reach out and comfort them on their pathetic life styles. I am sick of it. I am getting to a point where I am wanting a partner. A home, somewhere I can feel safe. But i find usually when I have these things I feel sufforcated and unhappy. I know the right man must be out there somewhere, but I just can't find him. All the good guys have horrible girlfriends who dont deserve them. I also can't stand dating. I've tried dating guys ive met through friends, or in pubs, or online, everyone just cheats and goes behind eachothers backs or randomly stops speaking one day. I'm sick of being let down and disapointed. I feel like my experiences (read, bullied at school, domestic violence, general abuse) has hardened me and I have come to place more value on having 'nice things' for myself, than stuff that actually should matter because the stuff that should matter just doesn't do it for me. I am becoming a robot and I am not sure if i mind it.

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LILME87 ranted 2 years, 2 months ago. Viewed 23 times.

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Sooooooo i'm BACK. If anyone reading this has seen my previous blogs, I dumped the f*cker who was making me ...

Sooooooo i'm BACK. If anyone reading this has seen my previous blogs, I dumped the f*cker who was making me feel like s***, my parents paid off my debt and i'm back home in small townville, jobless, clueless and shagging a new c*nt! who may of gotten me preggers but i can't be sure yet. I am a hopeless woman with no self respect no energy for happiness and no time for goals. My mum has cancer. my dad had a heartattack. I just go out all the time, end up drinking and crying, and sleeping with this guy who doesnt like me, doesn't wanna sleep with me, but just does it cos i throw myself at him. Its a pattern of self destruction and degregation from which i have no desire to lift myself out of. I am intelligent but do not have the ability to apply myself. I am concerned I may be autistic or suffering from some sort of mental illness which makes my life the constant roller coaster it is. I feel sorry for every c*** in my world. From people i screw over at work, to men I screw, either sexually or emotionally, to my friends and family who are forced to pick up my bulls*** when i walk away from it. I AM A c***.

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LILME87 ranted 2 years, 9 months ago. Viewed 55 times.

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I hate my boyfriend. When I first met my boyfriend he was easy going, funny, interesting, homely, I could talk ...

I hate my boyfriend. When I first met my boyfriend he was easy going, funny, interesting, homely, I could talk to him about anything, he was financially stable and aside from having a short fuse- never aimed it at me. Oh how things change. 2 years later, and after living with the slob for over a year now I have come to realise I made the biggest mistake of my life. I am living with someone who has so many mental disorders it would baffle the best psychiatrists in the world. He is like a big, naughty child. He won't work full time, because he doesn't wanna pay council tax or rent and would rather do a few hours here and there and pocket it all himself. As a result I'm not working anymore because I got sick of paying for his ass everywhere we went and paying for my own rent and council tax. I am not even on benefits. His laziness has meant I've gotten into loads of debt and bad credit . I am so miserable all I do is over-eat (meaning Ive put on loads of weight and hate myself)as a result I no longer have a sex drive and he spends most nights in the living room wanking over webcam porn while I sleep in the bedroom or watch tv. I go out with my friends a lot, to drink myself into oblivion and try to forget what a screw up ive made of my life through bad choices. Probably worth mentioning my freinds and family know nothing of any of this as I try to put on a brave front

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LILME87 ranted 4 years ago. Viewed 25 times.

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f***ing stupid little c*** trying to start s*** with my boyfriend at a petrol garage on a wednesday friggin night, ...

f***ing stupid little c*** trying to start s*** with my boyfriend at a petrol garage on a wednesday friggin night, when all we want is some chocolate. So he pushes infront of me, and then starts mouthing off at my boyfriend sayin he's met him before and he smokes s*** bla bla NO. My boyfriend is diabetic he has never touched drugs and he hates drugs. THEN this stupid f***ing dickhead from jamacia cant even apologise that he got the WRONG PERSON and he's sooooo big, he starts mouthing off, blahblah i'll knock ya teeth out. NO, YOU f***ING WONT. the only reason you stupid c***ish dickhead is getting big in the first place is cos U GOT A GUN OR A KNIFE ON YOU SO SHUT UP. please by all means, come back and fight my boyfriend fist to fist like u are claiming because u will get knocked the f*** out. otherwise shut up and stop pretending you dont have a concealed weapon cos ur such a f***ing pussy ur mid week is to fight someone for no reason whatsoever. I should of called the police and had that ugly bastard searched

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LILME87 ranted 4 years, 6 months ago. Viewed 31 times.

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I'm a horrible person who over reacted to my liar of a boyfriend who claimed he'd never hurt me but ...

I'm a horrible person who over reacted to my liar of a boyfriend who claimed he'd never hurt me but then went online and asked women for naked photos. I have no right to ask questions and should drop it because it happened ages ago and was a 'two second thing'. despite being a loving caring girlfriend who has never been unfaithful in my life, I am now treated as an evil bitch who makes someone feel guilty and 'like s***'. I have no right to my emotions, I have no right to answers, I have no right to my sadness, I have no right to time to get over anything or forgive. anything I try and confront I get turned away from.

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LILME87 ranted 5 years, 6 months ago. Viewed 22 times.

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You are a f***ing idiot for behaving the way you do when you get angry. The flat isnt even yours, ...

You are a f***ing idiot for behaving the way you do when you get angry. The flat isnt even yours, and you kick a massive f***ing hole in the bathroom sink basin just because your cousin cancelled on you going to the cinema. I have never in my life seen anyone react the way that you do to things. Its pathetic. So you blame it on your childhood, and your 'mental disorder' and your illness and how you got sent to boarding school because you couldn't behave like a normal f***ing human being. You have no idea at all why you offend and upset people all the time, well maybe it's because you are a selfish person who would rather cut their own nose off to spite their face, and everyone elses than actually get help for your anger issues, and whatever else issues you have. I will not stand by and let you treat me as a verbal punchbag. I am a kind loving generous and thoughtful woman who doesn't need her heart feelings and health ruined by someone who is too thick to care about anyone but himself. f*** YOU.

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LILME87 ranted 5 years, 7 months ago. Viewed 22 times.

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I am really sick of my boyfriends behaviour whenever we have a disagreement. we argue a lot at the moment, ...

I am really sick of my boyfriends behaviour whenever we have a disagreement. we argue a lot at the moment, mostly because i have started standing up to him and he doesnt seem to like it. he has uncontrolled diabetes, and OCD. He will decide to clean the house for 2 and a half hours at 10 at night, before we have dinner, claiming it will only take him 5 mins. when I tell him to do it tomorrow, or after dinner (the home is spotless anyway) then he kicks off at me and it turns into a fight. 10 mins into the fight, he usually calls his brother (he has no parents, his brother is like his mum to him) and starts grassing on me, basically throwing me under the bus and making out like i am a horrible girlfriend who never cleans up/whatever he fancys saying about it. I have already told him to stop bringing a third party into our relationship- it is completley unfair to say that to a member of his family whome i have to see on a regular basis especially since he only gets to hear one side of the story and will believe him and think im awful which i am not. I am simply trying to reason with his OCD. he is very childish during fights and started to call me names. I am considering breaking up with him anyway as i dont see any of this getting any better anytime soon. He is very childish about his diabetes, he refuses to take care of himself and says everyone should leave him alone and stop nagging at him even though his neglect makes him ill. i used to stay during the arguments and see them through because i loved him but i am now getting to a place where ive stoppped liking him as a person and i wonder whats really in this for me. i have moved across the country to be with him and so i havent really got any friends here. i dont feel the need to ring my mum and slag him off cos i believe an adult relationship shud be between 2 ppl (or the internet, annonymously lol )i know what the answer is to all of this, but i just had to rant. x

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LILME87 ranted 5 years, 7 months ago. Viewed 44 times.

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Sometimes i really wanna hurt someone who has hurt me. I dont mean as in physically hurt them, because i ...

Sometimes i really wanna hurt someone who has hurt me. I dont mean as in physically hurt them, because i am not like that but i mean emotionally, like when my boyfriend ignores me or we have an argument and he says something horrible it makes something switch inside me like 'f*** you' and i think of all the other people who have made me feel like s*** in my life, and i think of making lots of money and laughing at them for being poor or grooming myself to look amazing & shagging someone else. all these things make me feel like a terrible person they are like fantasys that I get when im really pissed off with how sh1t someone is making me feel because nobody is perfect but i am a good person, i treat others how i would like to be treated, i put effort into things but it just seems like im always under appreciated or ignored. i want to triumph over the people who make me feel bad about myself because self esteme is such a masssive issue in life its easy to say hey love yourself but when u have done good and people have still cheated on you or stolen something (personal/emotional) from you or used you, you just want to crack. does any1 else feel this way.

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LILME87 ranted 5 years, 8 months ago. Viewed 59 times.

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lol im actually falling in love with this website ever so slightley. Soo my second rant is about facebook. My ...

lol im actually falling in love with this website ever so slightley. Soo my second rant is about facebook. My boyfriend has a string of women on his facebook, some he knows in person from school college through mates or whatever, some from the internet before he met me, some randoms he used to f***. He must have about 400 friends on there and 300 of them are these girls. We got into a fight over a misconstued messege i had seen on his facebook, after i got proof it was never untoward, i mentioned to him that i still dislike the fact that hes on there a lot. I hate hearing myself say that because i dont wanna come out like im some bats*** crazy gf who controlls her boyfriends internet use, but i just think if i had hundreds of sexy men on my facebook what would he have to say about it ? These girls are not girls he's aquired recently, they are girls from his past. I dont like the idea of them msging him on there because i know they are f***ing slags from round the corner who will f*** anyone at any given rate when they are bored. i want to trust my boyfriend when he says he loves me. He actually cried and got rid of facebook because i went so 'to town' about this girl issue. He is now back on it, why? I don't know. He deactivated it but obviously he cant stay away. I have deleated my facebook now, i told him basically i dont care about him being on there anymore but im not going on there because it hurts my self esteme. I mean really what the f*** happend to having integrity in a relationship? I wanted to deleate my facebook before any of this started because i just figured its boring i hardly used it & i know all the ppl in person anyways, so i have their phone numbers if i need them, I am in a RELATIONSHIP and i dont need to be out there on the internet, posting photos and chatting away to f***ing randoms. I know he aint chatting to randoms but it still bugs me. He's left his facebook online, open, and gone to work before and I had a little snoop but didnt find anything, it did make me feel better that he doesnt seem to have anything to hide but the fact hes still on it again bugs me!!!!!! Also i really dont care if ppl call me clingy or controlling, if his facebook didnt have so many women on it i wouldnt even care.

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LILME87 ranted 5 years, 8 months ago. Viewed 37 times.

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