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Remember when?

As I sit here on my lonely stool typing this out surrounded by complete strangers with nothing better to do on a Friday night than study or work, a thought occurred to me.

Remember when you couldn't wait to leave your parents house? Remember how you wanted to get out of town to go to school and live your "dream"? That's all you could think of at that time, but when it finally came time, you realized something important. You gained your freedom and your "dream" life in exchange for something you've been taking for granted for a long time.

For the first time in your life, you finally truly missed home and the family that loved you like no one else can. It was your decision, and it was the trade you made. You suddenly feel that emptiness inside and you miss them like there's no tomorrow. You didn't expect it would feel this bad, but it does.

It doesn't help that your "dream" life wasn't as bright and sunshiny as you thought it would be, does it? Even the things you thought would be difficult were more like hell. Life is systematically trying to chip away at every inch of what you've got. Everyone who always had your back are now thousands of miles away. Everyday you wonder why you began this journey in the first place.

Overwhelmed by this strange new world, you make your first phone call home. It feels a little different and foreign. You've called them thousands of times before, but never like this. As you hear that "hello" on the other line, nostalgia rushes through your mind. It feels like you're home again, but you're not. You try not to show how much you miss them, but it's obvious. You're voice never quivered the way it does now. Time flies by, and before you know it your saying goodbye with a heavy heart. So ends the first night. Then the second, the third, the fourth, and so on.

You work during the day and attend class late into the night. As you take your solemn lonely walk to your apartment at night, you feel the quiet darkness surround you. No one to chat with cheerfully. No one to complain about you coming home too late. No one waiting for you. There, at the end of your night, is a dark bedroom with one bed and a desk where your books and studies await you. So you study. Eventually, your neck and your back begin to ache. Your vision blurs. Your head gets heavy. It's late, and you've got that big exam tomorrow morning.

But before you fall asleep. You do one more thing.

Exhausted by the struggles of the day, you muster enough energy to carry yourself across the room to open the closet. It's like a nightly ritual by now. Underneath that pile of clothes you pull out a few old photographs. You carefully sort through each of them until you find the right one.

Smiling back at you in the stillness of that crumpled old photograph are your parent's loving faces. There they are smiling proudly at their child for taking on life head on. You've lived your life according to their guidelines thus far. You've worked hard. You've taken care of yourself. You've treated others fairly. You've never let anyone down. You've reached for the stars, and you've never looked down on anyone in the process. As you remember their words and their lessons, you quietly place their photos back underneath your clothes. It's getting really late.

So you fall asleep again not wondering why you began this journey, but relieved to know what keeps you going.

If life brings you to your knees, then you simply crawl until you can stand again.

Thanks mom and dad.

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anonymous ranted 7 years, 4 months ago.
Rant viewed 227 times.

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Calai commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

Aww this made me cry. :'( It reminds of my first trip solo on a train to Sacramento during the summer after my sophomore year of hs -- my first, long trip away from home. I remember I kissed my mom goodbye as I got onto the train, and I had my sun glasses on. I kept them on because as I looked through the window as the train gained speed, I saw my mom waving goodbye to me and she was getting farther and farther away -- and I cried my eyes out! Thank goodness I had my sun glasses. :'(

When I'm at home, I don't have to cook -- my mom's cooking is the best. :) When I'm at my apartment, I come home after a really long day of classes, work, and research only to find that I still have to make dinner, I'm dragging my feet, and I still have to study... :'( :'(

Those evenings after a long day still sadden me sometimes when I'm reminded of times at home -- I'd be in the kitchen with my mom and sister talking and making stuff, or sitting in the living room with my family and just hanging out-- the love and laughter. Then I snap back to reality and find myself in a lonely, dark, quiet apartment. *sigh* But then I'm also reminded of why I'm doing it all. :)

I love this rant. :) and I love my mom and dad too. :)

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Jasper commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

I'm too manly to miss my parents. Rawr.

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anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

i am the totally opposite, i chose home/parents over my own freedom and dream. and now, i have my family and i can go after the dreams/freedom i wanted so badly back then. what i realize is the time makes the difference, it depends on what stage of life you're in when you left home, maybe in the early 20s or maybe at the late 10's. but i did find out, parents lets you free when you reach the mid 20's, they let you do whatever you want and yet they care. because every parents wanted their kid to build up something that truly belongs to them.

thanks mom and dad and the other i once love and cherish

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DV8-DX-pected commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

Ahhh ... the College years.

Remember sixth grade "Out-Door Ed.?" The excitement building up for months prior! Your VERY first time spending a WHOLE week at camp, away from mom & dad, away from your obnoxious siblings! FREEDOM!! Of course, when that first night at camp finally arrives, somehow it isn't quite how you had envisioned it. Suddenly, you find yourself missing mom & dad and those obnoxious siblings. Suddenly you find yourself wishing more than anything, that you were back in the familiarity of your own-cozy bed.

Now, you're off to College, so many years later. But this exact same feeling resurfaces. However, we're no longer speaking in terms of one week, but rather in terms of years.

Unlike you, I don't think I was quite as eager in "pursuing my dreams" so much as I was EXCITED to experience the PARTY scene without the parents' rules and regulations. However, somehow- things weren't quite as I had envisioned them to be. I suddenly began to miss mom & dad and my obnoxious siblings.

It's all part of growing up though. And this isn't the last phase in life where you will experience that exact same sense of loss in pursuing or obtaining your goals and dreams. How you feel is simply a reflection of how well your parents did in raising you. It reflects the love you experienced throughout your childhood. There's nothing wrong with missing them. And it's perfectly natural for you to feel that sense of loss or to desperately wish for SOME form of familiarity to make you feel safe and secure. Ultimately, you'll inevitably adjust and things will get better. When they do, you'll be a bit stronger and more equiped to handle the next large journey that life will take you on.

When you reach all of your goals and you've obtained success and happiness, guess what? Your children will have their first week away at camp. Then College, etc., etc. ... Then you'll find yourself reverting right back to those exact same feelings- those which you are experiencing right now. Just when you thought they could no longer resurface, since you no longer need your parents' assurance to feel safe and secure, you realize that the fear of your children's safety and security is far more intense!

You're not losing your family. You're simply making that transition into adulthood. You're leaving behind that innocence and care-free life you once had throughout childhood. And sure it's scary. Terrifying, actually. But you're preparing yourself for the family YOU will one day create and be the head of. You think you've experienced true and unconditional love to the highest degree? Well, just wait until you have children! You think you've felt ultimate happiness, pleasure, and pride? Just wait until your child takes his first steps, or begins Kindergarden, or goes off to College. It is then, that you will fully comprehend the sense of loss that YOU'RE parents are now experiencing.

The future holds an ENTIRE LIFE-TIME of experiences for you. And although it may not feel like it, or as difficult as it may be to understand right now, you will soon realize that this stage of your life is actually the BEGINNING.

A bit of advice:

You know how you can now look back at your childhood and think, "Man! How come I didn't realize that these were the GOOD years of my life?!" No stress, and your biggest concern consisted of how much playtime was left before the street-lights came on and you had to come in.

Well guess what? You are currently in the midst of a phase in life (the college years) where as an adult you will look back and say, "Man! How come I didn't realize that these were the GOOD years of my life?!" No stress that involves providing for and raising a family. And your biggest concerns consisted of passing classes and which party to attend!

These are your good years! Don't let them pass you by without ever realizing it until they're gone. This is your chance to experience things for the first time! To find yourself and to explore things you never even knew existed! So enjoy yourself! Make the most out of it!

Your family will always be there when you need them. The only difference is, as you transition into adulthood, you'll find yourself needing them less and less. However, during those times when you will need them, you'll know how to appreciate them more and you'll learn not to take those moments for granted =-)

Good Luck =-)

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anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

Wow, thanks for taking the time to write that out.

What you said makes absolute sense. Thanks for that. There's definitely a lot more ahead of me, and there's plenty of things I should be doing now to take advantage of the situation (or stage of life) that I'm in. I'll definitely try hard to appreciate as many things as I can, learn as much as I can, and experience as much as I can.

BTW. There are only two types of people out there who would read a long rant like mine or even write a long response like yours. You're either a writer or a reader... (just a guess)

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BBBrhatt commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

Good work.... I can remember when most of thos things occured, yet as I se the the way the world is going I can see that yes it would be a great thing to have the knowldge I have now back then.... My Mom and Dad did so much for me as it reales to work and the like.... THanks for the memories