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Doubts about my boyfriend.

I'm gay so lets start that off. I've experienced both sides of cheating which makes me uncomfortable when my boyfriend does certain things. I recently allowed him to create a Downelink account (a myspace for gay people) because he told me that he would like to have more gay friends. I'm having regrets about allowing him.

Am I being too paranoid or just right?

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aznboisings ranted 7 years, 5 months ago.
Rant viewed 467 times.

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+4
anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

I know exactly how that's like since I used to date someone who was, similar to me and was VERY easily attracted to the opposite sex. We never did anything bad but man were the both of us sensitive/jealous/paranoid with each other especially since a lot of guys approached her and girls showed interest in me.

What I've learned from that relationship? If you're going to be with someone, you've gotta trust them. I highly recommend that you never cheat on others regardless of what they do to you. If the other person ever cheats on you, you might get hurt but you’ll walk away knowing that you were the better person. It’s better to always live life as the better person rather than living life with guilt which will continue to haunt you one way or another. If you didn’t do the right thing back then, it’s time to start now....

I hope love will never leave you empty handed and vise versa.

You should listen to this song, there’s a great message in there: Play Video

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Mmonkey commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

i think i know who this guy was and the song
it was all the wrong things for the better
none of those two people cheated but it was that paranoid thing that killed.
i recommend find someone that have faith in you and have faith in him/her yourself.

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aznboisings commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

wow thanks for the great advice, I had a friend send me that song a long time ago. It helps to put things into perspective.

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anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

You're welcome! I'm glad it helped. =)

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welshsteve2009 commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

I agree with anon. I was in a relationship with a girl for 12 years. She cheated the whole 12 years! Despite this I knew that two wrongs do not make a right and I remained faithful despite many offers from other girls.
Going back to the core point, paranoia is a killer. Even in my new relationship I simply asked a question out of curiosity, a mis-understanding on my part and it caused much upset. She believed I didn't trust her. Maybe we have to accept that there is little we can do except trust because otherwise there would be no point. In any relationship there will always be problems, points to raise concern, moments of distrust regardless if justified or not.
the key though is to be open. I am prepared for any question my gf has. Fortunately I have no skeletons in my closet, nothing to hide so it is easier maybe. I see she has many friends, male and female. Obviously I may feel uneasy when I see her chat with closest friends as I do not know them and no little of their past relationship but then I immediately think of my own female friends. Surely she must wonder about mine too. I know I am innocent and my female friends are just that, friends so I apply the same thought to her friends.
with regards to adding new friends then that is a slightly different story and does warrant a certain amount of paranoia... but... having said that (I am not gay btw but I do understand people) maybe your partner is insecure and feels that adding new gay friends offers some comfort, a sense of security, mutual understanding.
Personally I think you should approach your partner with your concerns, tentatively of course, and ask for re-assurance explaining maybe that you feel uncomfortable or insecure yourself.
I wish you all the best and hope it all works out :)

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Mmonkey commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

too paranoid, and i would definitely hate my girlfriend if she does that...
if we're together then have some faith

[comment deleted]
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mickturate commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

isn't this a bit 'controlling:' ....having regrets about allowing him....allow him? let the Feck go & if he goes he goes & that has feck all to do with you, its him, get it?
live your own life rather than through controlling others to make you happy/unhappy, its not a gay thing or a whatever thing, its a controlling thing.

+1
I_Agree commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a people person.

Okay. Here we go.

I agree with anon (the top comment ... at the moment at least ... the one with the video link).

If all it takes for you to feel uncomfortable is your significant other wanting to have more friends similar to him, then you might need to step back a bit and think.

This is an opportunity for the both of you to make friends together. If anything, this should bring the both of you closer together not farther apart. A relationship is built on trust. Without it, the whole thing crumbles.

Unfortunately, I'd say more, but the other comment said it so well already.

EDIT:

I'm sorry I don't have a clever video. Please take this smiley face instead --> :-D

EDIT2:

Previous smiley face looked a bit angry or devious because of the arrow thing. Here you go. :-D

That's better.

+1
DV8-DX-pected commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

No problem Aznboising =-) You know, in a perfect world we would all have trust- as this is essential for a solid foundation in any relationship. However, we are not perfect, and this world is far from perfection. Our ability (or inability) to trust isn't something we were born with. It's something we develop stemming from childhood. It's a self-defense mechanism. One we use to protect ourselves from being hurt. Some have had to use it more often or for things that might be unimaginable to others. But just as somebody shouldn't judge who or why you should love somebody (as the answer to that would vary among each individual) one shouldn't judge how or what time frame it should take another individual to develop trust within a relationship. It is far easier for someone who has never been jaded to give out trust more freely, than for somebody who has dealt with devistation and heartbreak each time trust has been obtained in their past.

To trust someone, you have to make yourself completely vulnerable. To make yourself completely vulnerable, you have to open yourself up to that risk in being hurt. Therefore, what is wrong with making sure you know this person well enough and in feeling completely confident that this person can be trusted with your heart? If this person loves you and is determined to make this relationship work, he'll be patient and do all he can to obtain that trust.

Love is not simply accepting the good. Love also consists of working through the bad stuff. This may be one of your hang-ups. We ALL have hang-ups! And if trust happens to not be one of his, you can certainly bet that he has others. This is where you can help him work through his and where you can show patience and understanding. It's these trials and tribulations that strengthen a relationship. So, if he sticks around during this process and is still there long enough to reach that milestone in your relationship- well then, you know you've got a keeper there =-)

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aznboisings commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

it's something I know I have to get over.
It helps to talk to him, and I have.

Thanks all

+2
DV8-DX-pected commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

If his intention is to "make friends," as he said, then give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him to have an account with that website. However, since he's simply looking for new friends, and nothing more, then he shouldn't have a problem with allowing you access to that account.
Why don't you guys open an account together? As a couple? That way you both have access and you both can make friends with other couples. It seems that this route would be far less threatening to both of you and would eliminate any doubt and insecurity by decreasing any chances of potential infedelity.

Trust, for some, has to be earned rather than freely given. If you're having these doubts, then obviously your relationship hasn't developed that trust yet. Sometimes it takes time. In the meantime, there's no reason why he shouldn't work with you during this process.

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aznboisings commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

DV8-DX-pected I think your advice rings very true. I've asked him to have an open door policy where I can at any time be able to view his page.
Thanks for the great advice.

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anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

First i'd say a little paranoia and jealousy in a relationship is healthy as it shows you care about that person and dont want to lose them. However, there is a point when it can get excessive and then lead to problems which need not be there. I say talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. If he understands he's worth staying with, though if he gets all defensive i would seem he has something to hide and therefore you should consider leaving him for someone who only has eyes for you i reckon (:
Best of luck bubbah xx

+1
welshsteve2009 commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

Well said and true :)

+1
aznboisings commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

I do have faith in him, the only problem is .... I don't really have that much faith in my trust.

+1
anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

I'm confused.

Does this mean you're afraid to ... trust? ... yourself?

+1
Mmonkey commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

smack yourself and go play golf see if you can make any shots
if you got no faith, then you shall be single :) (sorry, i'm straightforward)

+1
Arena commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

I'm about to down-vote you! Don't be so mean....Everyone has their own problems to deal with. They just need to sit down and straighten things out. Is that a crime nowadays? LOL. I'm guessing you're either perfect or you must be single! =P

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Mmonkey commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

lol...dont be so mean, dont down vote me, i got no more karma left lolz...

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welshsteve2009 commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

:)

+1
Arena commented on this rant 7 years, 4 months ago.

:)