Stupid Furry Animals

So I'm driving along the road minding my own business when this furry little son of a bastard comes running out of nowhere straight at my tires.

What. The. Heck.

This always happens to me! Don't believe me?

Victim 1
I was driving on the freeway at 5 or 6 AM in the morning trying to get to work early. I was probably the only car at that time, and I was enjoying the peaceful morning solitude. As I'm exiting the freeway, this mouse just zooms out from the side of the off ramp with almost godlike timing straight at my front tire. All of that happiness and content I felt right up to that moment shattered into a million pieces, and I was left with a day full of guilt.

(almost) Victim 2
Scene of the crime happened on the freeway again. However, it wasn't the off-ramp this time. This time, I was on the on-ramp to get on the freeway. So I pull in and this possum comes waltzing in out of the bushes and (again with godlike timing) literally walks out in front of my tire. Geez, the fact that it calmly walked gave me time to hit the brakes to come to a screeching halt right before my front tire could run over its defenseless (and slow) body. I had to wait what seemed like forever before that thing managed to walk the full length of my car and out of the way before I could go on and continue into the freeway. It took its sweet time so much that I wasn't sure whether I had it pinned under my tire or not.

(almost) Victim 3
I used to live in an area that was festering with skunks. I mean, if you were a skunk, this was the place to be. So, I'm driving one night and this skunk scurries out into the middle of the road. I hit the breaks. Then the skunk gets scared and decides to scurry back. So I'm like "okay, that's fine", but then the skunk changes its mind and turns back around. I'm sitting there in my car while this skunk keeps running back and forth in front of my car having trouble deciding whether it's safer to continue crossing the road or go back. Dude! You're in front of my freaking un-moving car! Pick a direction and go!

Victim 4
Okay, like I said, I lived in a skunk filled area. This skunk wasn't so fortunate. I didn't see it, and it was dark. My friend saw it though and warned me ahead of time, but my pathetically slow reflexes didn't kick in soon enough. Short story: I ran over the poor thing. Before it died though, it managed to spray every last ounce of its stink all over my car. My eyes burned and I couldn't breathe. My car stunk for a good three days at least. Touche, sir skunk, touche.

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anonymous ranted 8 years, 11 months ago.
Rant viewed 88 times.


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Calai commented on this rant 8 years, 11 months ago.

I love furry little animals!!!!! :'(

elle commented on this rant 8 years, 11 months ago.

That's why they're stupid :)

Jasper commented on this rant 8 years, 11 months ago.

Natural selection at its finest.

anonymous commented on this rant 8 years, 11 months ago.

Indeed. I am merely its humble servant.

anonymous commented on this rant 8 years, 10 months ago.

lol at the last two