What should I do?

So, I have been seeing this guy for about seven months. I enjoy his company very much. He is very intelligent, outgoing, well-traveled, and very witty, and most of all, he seems to have a very kind heart towards his friends. Oh yeah, he tells me that he loves me.

Lately I have discovered that he still keeps his online dating profile active and goes to check them out every once a while. I found this quite by accident while looking for the profile of another friend of mine.

On one hand, I am a little hurt because he said that he would like to date exclusively and he acts very lovingly and caring towards me. On the other hand, I would not want to get in the way of him finding a better relationship and greater happiness if he is not happy being with me. I feel though, to be fair, I should also put my profiles on dating sites and let him know that while I like being with him, I am also not going to stay idle knowing that his is actively looking.

Any suggestions as to what I should do? And how I should approach this situation? Thanks in advance.

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anonymous ranted 9 years ago.
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LILME87 commented on this rant 7 years, 5 months ago.

Hi, my advice would be to tell him that you've found it. If he has already comitted to you and is your boyfriend, then really he has no right to still be on the internet acting like a dog. If however you have both agreed it's an open relationship maybe its time to end it, as you are getting attatched but hes keeping his options open. me personally, i would expect full commitment earlier than 7 months but different strokes for different folks. I dont think it's acceptable whatsoever to be scanning for other chicks/fellas if you are with someone in real life. it's cheating, the internet has nothing to do with it other than it opens new chanels for cheaters to use, ie these websites.

anonymous commented on this rant 8 years, 3 months ago.

yeah sink to his level.that will show him you were made for each other

anonymous commented on this rant 9 years ago.

It looks like I'm a little late to the party here. I agree with the comments so far for the most part.

I personally think it's best to bring up the issue with your boyfriend and make sure everything is clear. It's not good to be in a relationship when you're not talking to each other about important matters like this.

elle commented on this rant 9 years ago.

I think it's strange to still be in a open "dating" phase after seven months. Have you guys talked about where the relationship is going or whether you both were looking for something serious? Is he looking for something casual and you're looking more long-term but refused to admit to acknowledging the signs? Aside from that, it seems as though it isn't too open and the fact that you stumbled into his open/active dating profile is peculiar to say the least. Want something to stem from this? Tell him straight up that you saw his profile is open. You seem a little peeved, as you're entitled to, with the notion thinking you should do the exact same thing he's doing and let him know that you're doing it. It's a spiteful reaction and admittedly, I've done those [acted out of spite] myself on impulse. It is fair to do so and to keep searching yourself, but I think it better (if you want the relationship to move forward rather than become stagnant) to ask him about it.

I can see the need for a person to know and be acknowledged; reaffirm that he or she (girls do this often, right?) is desirable. That they are in fact able to attract and appeal to the opposite sex, not only one person but two or three or more. Flattery. Ego boost. Confidence, self-esteem. It's the reason why people still continue to "dress up" once they've found a mate. To look good, to show it, to feel good about ones self.

Maybe this is his way instead of asking your feedback about if those pants look good on him or whether this dress shirt goes good with the grey pin stripe suit he just bought. s*** like that doesn't come from a guy. Girls do it; we seek other ways. Albeit it might peeve you off to see his profile active, I think unless hes acted on dating others while seeing you, then give him the benefit of the doubt. Can't do that? Then it's time to go separate ways.

He's not ready for a serious commitment, you're pushing too hard. He wants something casual but mutually exclusive. You want mutually exclusive in a serious context. I probably hit it right on the head with this one. I think a break up for good but you know, the will and desire for love blinds us all. The break up feedback is pending "the talk."

Seven months, I think the signs were obvious but some choose to turn a blind eye.

anonymous commented on this rant 9 years ago.

Thanks for the advice. I guess I am confused then. Why would he be talking about moving/living/working together? He was the one who took me to see his family; introduces me to all of his friends, started calling me on a daily basis and takes me out two, three times a week. I was the one suggested that we take it one day at a time and do not rush things. I had never pushed the idea of being in a committed relationship. I really don't care for an "exclusive" or a "long term" relationship as long as we both are honest about our intentions. Does it make any sense?

elle commented on this rant 9 years ago.

Those signs imply the opposite despite being as anon said insensitive. He probably doesn't think that having the profile open would bug you that much. For seven months, he has been seeing you and showing you serious signs. You've said take it slow and don't rush anything. You "never pushed the idea of being in a committed relationship. I [you] really don't care for an "exclusive" or a "long term" relationship..." maybe he's playing defense just in case and doesn't believe you're only seeing him.

anonymous commented on this rant 9 years ago.

Honest opinion: He's not a very sensitive guy = not a good boyfriend....Possibly a bad boyfriend. If I were you, I'd straight out leave him but that's just me. I'm not a very tolerant person so I do expect a lot from the guy I'm with. In this case, I think I'm not being too picky. If the guy loves you, he would not do something that'd hurt you. He doesn't sound like a very faithful guy. I'd say leave him if you can get yourself to be strong enough to live without him.

I know you enjoy his company and love a lot of things about him. You just have to realize that the more experienced guys who's been with many girls will know how to impress and make a girl feel good about him. The better guys who haven't been dating around will satisfy you less due to their lack of experience, but they are the more genuine ones that you should consider being with.

I know you probably want to work something out with him so I'll just give you my advice from that perspective. First, talk to him and find out why he's doing what he's doing. Second, to make it fair for you, you can put your profile up. Third, DON'T take the relationship seriously unless he proves his love for you because I don't think anyone wants to see you get hurt. Sweet words comes very easily but it's the action that counts most.

These are just my opinions. Hope it helped at least a little.... :)

mickturate commented on this rant 8 years, 11 months ago.

surprise him: respond to his Ad, then do all the things you used to do when you first started dating-wear the lingerie, like his friends, go to bars, restaurants, adore him, the listen to him kind of nonsense, then ask HIM where it all went wrong....