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Best of Craigslist: "What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

*Stolen from the Best of Craigslist section, suited rant or rave and at the very least, made a nice read. I wanted to increase its exposure.

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I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were f***ing treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an a****** than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've f***ed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bulls*** and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't f***ing want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

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anonymous ranted 7 years, 3 months ago.
Rant viewed 827 times.

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anonymous commented on this rant 5 years, 4 months ago.

I'm actually one of these chicks, except without the douche boyfriend...I was single the whole time, but I still didn't go there with Mr. Nice guy. The signs he was giving me were so obvious, it was crystal clear, but I got so scared and ran away. I'm just scared of relationships in general. There were several other factors as to why I didn't date him, but still, I shouldn't have left him entirely like I did. I feel so bad every time I think about it.

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Mmonkey commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

so long..

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I_Agree commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

But it was definitely a good read. Short rants are for the weak.

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RoAdWoLf commented on this rant 7 years, 2 months ago.

Awesome, I couldn't agree more the "nice guy" title seems to be the kiss of death. almost as bad as "just friends". I have several friends that sit there and complain about how guys treat them yet they keep going out with a__holes. I want to say wtf did you expect?

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anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

I'm sorry you had to go through this kind of bulls***! It makes me very angry since both of my brothers are the "nice guy" type. The truth is, it's hard to find a truly genuine girl that'll be straight forward with you. Relationships can be complicated. Even if you've found the perfect girl who really likes you, it doesn't mean you guys will end up with each other. People always look for signs, when they can simply talk directly to the person and ASK how they really feel! I'm sure if you simply asked the girl before you pour your heart into this "friendship", you would be a lot better off. If the girl never considered being with you and told you she's only interested in being friends, then it's clear she's not interested. Mr. Nice Guy, make sure not to overlook the Nice Girls. There are plenty of them out there. I'm sure they come across the same thing too. Go with the straight forward ones if you don't want to complicate your life! Oh, if you never showed a lot of interest in a girl when she gave you the chance to be with her, then of course she'll just consider being your friend. In that case, being a nice guy might get her back since she did have an interest in you. If you meet a random attractive girl who you've showed interest in but she just let you do her favors, she's just using you.... It's supposed to go both ways if you're truly friends. If you can be there for her all the time, as a good friend, she should also do the same for you.

Sorry if I didn't explain it well. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm pretty good with giving advice on relationships but don't have experience giving advice in written form. I hope this helps! =)

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anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

I think that no girl really cares for the nice guy, take it from a nice guy who always get the short end of the stick. It isn't pretty to be the nice guy since they are the one a girl turns to for help or advise but are not the dating type. It is a sad day when that happen but I guess that is life. To be a nice guy, you must be there for them and care for them, but it is all about them and not yourself.

Can't a nice guy ever get the girl at the end?

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anonymous commented on this rant 7 years, 2 months ago.

Speaking also from experience, I'd say "no". Nice guys do finish last since we are too nice to do anything about it. There's a fine line between being a good friend to being the nice guy she would want. In honesty, I'd say the a**-holes who get the girl are only pretending to be nice guys, but most of them are just jerks looking to get laid. The only way I've found to get a gf is to be more aggressive, which works. But being aggressive doesnt mean being pushy. After that, when she likes you, she will see your "nice guy" side and then the relationship can blossom.

Everyone has heard this before but truly, DO-NOT-BE-AFRAID-OF-REJECTION! If you never try, it's your fault not hers. If you don't succeed, it's her fault for missing out on seeing how great of a person you are. Hope this helps somebody somewhere.

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justin commented on this rant 7 years, 3 months ago.

i love the best of craigslist section! really passes the time on those slow work days

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