I hate how awful people can be.
People think that I am a positive person, and that I am always happy. But it is so hard to be happy with yourself when people can be so cruel.
I have no self confidence.
I try to be more confident by changing my skin, and going on accutane. My boyfriend and his family are extremely nonsupporting. I am unable to be in the sun for long periods of time, and my skin is ultra sensitive. Even putting on hypoallergenic lotion burns my skin. My boyfriend won't stay at home with me during the day, or spend any alone time with me anymore.
We have been together almost 5 years and I just thought that he would be there for me. He has broken multiple bones, and had various surgeries. Anytime anything happens to him, I drop everything and do anything he wants.
I got my wisdom teeth surgically removed earlier this year (They were touching the nerves). He told me that he would take care of me and watch all sorts of movies with me. He ended up staying at his place and watching movies there, while I was home alone trying to take care of myself after the surgery.
When I was in high school I was only 110 pounds. Now, 4 years since grad, I am nearly 170.
My boyfriend's dad is really rude to me and keeps telling me that I have gained all this weight and that I need to exercise. I know that. You don't need to tell an over-weight person that they need to lose weight. They already know it. I already know it. It takes away any sort of self-assurance that I had.
I feel so ugly when I look in the mirror. I look at these skinny girls on tv and in magazines and I want nothing more than to look like that again. I have tried exercising, but it is hard when you have nobody to do it with.
My boyfriend won't spend alone time with me anymore. We haven't hung out alone in over two months now. He says that he likes “hanging out with everybody all at once”. I feel like he has gotten bored of me. It has been 5 years, and I am at my worst. He hasn't dated anybody except for me, and I feel like he is looking at all the other girls in town. He could definitely do better than me.
I don't know what I would do if I lost him.