There is a girl that I've liked since my freshman year at college. At first, we were introduced by a mutual friend and we all did hw together. A few years past where we didnt see each other but I still thought of her everyday and wondered how she was doing. In our senior year at college, we saw each other again and would talk once in awhile. I still liked her but I knew she just wanted to be friends. I would talk to her and it seemed we were becoming closer as friends. But the whole time, I always longed for something more.
Now here's the part which I don't understand and can't seem to control. Lately, whenever I see her, I act like a complete idiot. I say stuff I don't mean and just completely act mean to her. Afterwards, I always regret it but I can't seem to stop. I feel like I'm in elementary school again, where the little boy pesters the little girl cause he likes her. Around everyone else, I act normal and sane but when she enters the room, my maturity shuts off and I feel like a kid again. I'm so close to pulling her hair soon and giving her the cooties.
I wonder if it's because I still like her, even after 5 years of knowing her or if deep down, I'm mad because I know she will never like me in return. I've dropped several hints that I liked her but every time, she ignores them. I feel like ripping out my heart and serving it on a plate for her. I am so frustrated with myself that I vowed to never see her again because I hate the way I act around her. No one else knows how I feel right now, but I feel as though I need to get this off my chest. Thanks RantFoo!